Have you been rehabilitated? Part II

"There's a harsh truth to face: no way I'm going to make it on the outside." So many things come and go in this life and it seems like the weight of the world is on my shoulders more often than not these days. There are more heavy shackles that await a person who has been freed. Shackles that come and try to weigh you down much heavier than you were before. There's another level to ascend, more things to discover, new heights to climb, more challenges to overcome. When Brooks was freed, he was too heavy laden from the things he didn't know, what he hadn't learned. Red, on the other hand, was heavy laden with the choice between accepting what he had learned or relying on what he knew to be an inevitable reality. He himself said "Brooks Hatlen knew it all too well." Knew what, Red? Knew that what a man believes he is, cannot be changed with a new address. What a man believes he is can only be changed (or remain unchanged) by what he accepts in his heart. I've had the hardest time over the last few years. I kept feeling like I had no right to complain because my mom was having a harder time, and having to support me through mine. I seem to be worse off than before in some respects, but on the exterior only. Inside I'm a totally different girl. I'm reminded of Red. He could have done what Brooks did and gave up before he had a chance to really live. I'm reminded of Red each time I apply for a new job or am impressed to pursue a new opportunity because he had learned that behind every fear lies a hope. He wasn't merely afraid of being stopped at the border, he had hope that he would get to see the Pacific. I'm not suggesting anyone jump bail or violate your parole, just listen for the hopes that often manifest themselves as fears. Trouble doesn't last forever. Ask yourself if you've been rehabilitated or conditioned to believe untrue things about who you are. Only you can answer that question and unless you and only you can answer that question then maybe you'll think of ways to remain unchanged, ungrowing. And if you can't answer that question then, it's true -- there's no way you're going to make it on the outside.

Have you been rehabilitated? Part I

You'll find that many of my blogs will in some way reference my favorite movie, "The Shawshank Redemption." Today's message has to do with rehabilitation. When asked if he felt he'd been "rehabilitated," Red answered the same way every ten years he was up for parole: "Rehabilitated? Oh yes sir, absolutely sir. That's the God's honest truth. No danger to society here." After twenty years Red repeated the words the parole board were expecting with great zeal. He was excited, answering the way he felt they thought he should. After thirty years, he had been a little less zealous but repeated the exact same words. The parole board had changed, Red's sentiment and words had not. Yet he was rejected again. Once his best friend Andy had escaped, Red rejoiced at the thought, but missed Andy dearly. He had become cynical and ironically that is when he was the most honest. It was through his honesty with the parole board about rehabilitation being a "politician's word made up so that someone like him could put on a suit and a tie and have a job," that is when he was approved. Whenever I watch the Shawshank Redemption (and I often do), I usually repeat these words alongside Red, thinking to myself that he was right. Rehabilitated is in fact a made up word. By whose standards do we reach that level of rehabilitation that allows us to rejoin the ranks of the society that scorned us in the first place? Once Red no longer gave a hoot about what was to happen, once he had given up and appeared hopeless, that was the moment he was deemed ready to rejoin society and live a "normal life." Are we to assimilate with these so-called standards and become "rehabilitated?" Is it being rehabilitated or being changed? Red wished he could go back and "talk some sense" to that "young stupid kid" to keep him from having done what he had done. Yet once he had assimilated into what the parole board expected him to be, he was not ready to rejoin the ranks. He had to be unyielding, real. He had to be himself and take a long hard look in the mirror everyday and say "this is who I was. This is what I've done. But this is not who I am any longer." And the most wonderful thought about that is, you can too. Don't punish yourself for what you have done. You'll remember it, but move on. It's what you once did, but it's not who you are or will forever be. You don't have to be as cynical as Red was, but you do have to face it. Be sorry for what you've done, but don't let it define you or the direction your life will take. Own your life today. Unless you have been rehabilitated.