Let "the one" find you....You just be you!

I was once fortunate enough to have stumbled upon the last copy of Pride and Prejudice at the bookstore in the bus terminal in Kwangju, South Korea (and in English, no less!). After punishing myself for never having read this piece of classic literature (I WAS an English major, you know) I discovered one immutable truth. That the most notable thing about the book was Mr. Darcy and his deep affection for the book's heroine, Elizabeth Bennett. I was deeply touched by his most endearing qualities, the romanticism, the love thinly veiled as hate, the pride within his station, the fiction of it all. Alas! I was struck with an epiphany. Must I wait for my Mr. Darcy? Readers of this marvelous work of literature have focused their attentions solely on his actions, and rightly so. Society has taught us that in order for a relationship to work well, one must wait for the other to make a move. This ideal has always tipped the scales in favor of those of the male persuasion to do all the pursuing. If only men still walked around and clubbed women over the head. That would save them the pain of rejection and us the trouble of rejecting. But after a closer examination I discovered that the most notable thing about this story is not Mr. Darcy's strong attraction to our dear Lizzie. It is the fact that she was so unyielding in her desire to just be herself. It was this fact that made her indeed as real a person as anyone can ever claim to be. She worked hard at maintaining who SHE was, and at times doing so only attempting to repel Mr. Darcy even further from her. Ironically, it was this that intrigued him the most. The lesson we girls can learn from this story is that we must not merely sit around waiting for Mr. Darcy to come and call on us at our places of residence. Instead, we should work on discovering who we are as individuals, never trying to be who and what we're not, perfecting it all the while so when Mr. Darcy does come along we will undoubtedly bewitch him body and soul.

Why Living Abroad Rocks and Why it's great to be an American

So I was sitting in my room yesterday trying to conjure up some clever anecdote to put on my blog today. It was disappointing when I could come up with nothing. However, given my past experiences during my life I was able to compile a list of the things I missed the most while living abroad and the things I missed most about living in Korea. With the current state of the economy, a small contingency of citizens have decided to move overseas to wait out the recession. Now I know what every red-blooded American thinks: You don't run out on your country. But I'm of a different mind -- though I won't state it here, I can honestly say that living abroad is NOT necessarily running out on your country. After all, most Americans don't even have a passport, so that small contingency of citizens will more than likely be back (hey look at me, I'm not blogging from some airport in Jakarta, I'm here in Music City, U.S.A.). So if you're wondering what to do, whether you should stay here and bleed red, white and blue, or go overseas and spout your Americanist wisdom, read my list first. It is by no means exhaustive, but I think you'll get the picture. 

The things I missed most about America while I was living in Korea:

1. Vegetarian Hot Dogs

I don't eat meat so just the idea of a hot dog sent me into depression. Also, I don't remember seeing an hot dog buns over there either, then again I didn't have a membership to Costco.

2. May-November Sweeps

For fun my roommates and I used to watch Korean soap operas and create our own dialogue. It got so bad after awhile I actually tried to make sense of the actual dialogue. I went to bed with many a headache. At any rate, we've got something going over here with primetime television. After all, once I moved to an apartment with cable, every show imaginable that we watch here in America came on. Looks like our shows are even more popular than their own. I love America.

3. Wearing shoes indoors

This includes fitness centers, restaurants, dentist's offices, doctor's offices and our very own homes. That was hard at first. But when I first came home, my family looked at me like I was crazy when I held everybody up from entering the house by taking my shoes off first. I actually got to be pretty quick at putting my shoes on and off as a result of it.

4. Cutlery

Enough said.

5. English

See the explanation of #4.

6. Shopping Malls

They have no idea the concept of the shopping mall in some places. Don't get me wrong, outdoor markets can be fun, cheap and cultural, but there's nothing like an entire building smelling exactly like Abercrombie and Fitch wanted it to.

7. Obscurity

People will stare at you in Asia. There's no getting around it. Just wear your biggest most glamorous sunglasses and make like you're evading the paparazzi. 

8. Not worrying about whether or not I’d survive crossing the street

Taxi's in most countries drive like they're drag racing. I once had to pay an extra few bucks on my fare because my driver got out of the taxi and left the meter running while he had an argument with a bus driver who came dangerously close to hitting us. I'm all for fighting for the safety of your passengers, but dude stop the meter and I may even hold him while you get in a few punches. 

9. Not worrying about bird flu or Kim Jong Il

That's right. I said it. 

The things I missed most about Korea upon returning to America:

1. Worrying about bird flu and Kim Jong Il

That's right. I said it again.

2. Worrying about whether or not I’d survive crossing the street

People are so polite here. I wanted to say something to someone to make them gun their engine so I could flail my arms and run across the street. 

3. Watching re-runs of CSI ( I got to catch up on what I’d forgotten about)

Worked wonders on those rainy afternoons when I couldn't go anywhere or didn't want to. Plus I was here in the off seasons so I missed most of the episodes. Because they were a season behind, I could watch one season of CSI, and come home all caught up and ready for the new seasons. 

4. Taking my shoes off upon entering the house (and the shoe rack by the door, but this counts as one thing)

As I said before, my family complained because I was blocking the door. I just wanted to show off my quick shoe removal skills.

5. Street vendors (I’m from Tennessee, we do NOT believe in that)

If I'm hungry, I have to get into the car and drive to the nearest restaurant or grocery store. In Korea, I could literally go up to the corner and get a bag full of doughnuts or my favorite wintertime treat, Boong-oh bang (fish shaped bread with red bean inside of it). It was always fresh, hot, and delicious. Who cares about the germs floating around in the atmosphere? I could get a whole bag of those things for like $1.00. Man I miss that.

6. “Designer” handbags

I am now the proud owner of two Louis Vuitton's and one Marc Jacobs. But only my handbag seller knows for sure. 

7. Being stared at

I bought several pairs of sunglasses and practiced my evasive mode just for this. When I visited Europe the first thing I noted was that people weren't staring at me. Well they were, but that was in Italy, and it was for a different reason. 

8. Chopsticks

I know, right? Chopsticks? I can't eat Ramen noodles without them to this day. 

9. Korean people

Let me be the first to say, that they also rock! 

 

I just want a sunroof: How NOT to have your needs diminished

Ok, I know you. You’re the safe one. The “just” guy. That very word. That very little word can get you into trouble. You think you can get away with using it without hurting someone’s feelings, but you end up with more than you wanted and nothing you needed. Listen up! There are six ways (or even more, depends on how much space I have and how much time you have) to stop having your needs diminished. 

1 - My story 

I bought a car in 2006 and it ended up being something I didn’t want because I simply said the words “I just want a sunroof.” Ultimately there’s nothing wrong with that except if you’re not specific in your requests you set yourself up for people to walk all over you. So yes folks, I drove away from the car lot in tears in a car I didn't want, a car I didn't like, with a car note I didn't need. And no, it didn't even have a sunroof. 

2 - On not using the word “just” all the time  

Be sure that you don’t use this word. Ever. I’ll give you an example: You walk into McDonalds for the umpteenth time and you already KNOW what you want. Let me repeat that: YOU already KNOW what YOU want. However, this is how the conversation goes:

McD’s: May I help you?

You: I just want a big mac.

McD’s: Would you like fries with that?

Now I’m going to stop right there because McDonald’s employees can spot a “just” guy from a mile away. They’re trained to

recognize you. You’ve walked into the restaurant and you’ve made their day. If you look up and see that people are now

arbitrarily doing things behind the counter it’s because they’ve waited all day for the “just” guy and here he is. They get to see 

this in action. Saying “I just want a  big mac” is a surefire way to get your needs diminished. It leaves the door open for them to 

suggest other things, (which they’ve already done) you may not want and/or need (i.e. would you like fries with that?). If you 

cave in, you’ll leave with chicken nuggets, a milkshake, and an order of...you guessed it: fries! You’ve been trampled on (in a nondirect way may I add) and yes, you are leaving with more than you expected but none of what you wanted or needed and it’s all at your own expense. You can remember this when it matters and when it doesn’t, like in the illustration I’ve just given here.

3 - On getting the job you want

Be sure and stay within your field. I know there’s a recession, but believe it or not it can be a blessing. The reason? You can now focus ALL of your energy into a productive job search by breaking into the industry that you want to be in. Don’t waste your time applying for jobs for which you’re not qualified just because it sounds good or you can do it for “now.” In the long run you’ll waste your time, because when the economy picks up again you’ll have trouble finding a job in your field because you don’t have any practical experience in it or less experience than the guy that gets the job. Lots of people will tell you what to do, but you’re the one that needs to decide. DON’T solicit advice from everyone you know because you need the decision to be made for you. 

4 - On setting goals

A good rule of thumb is to resist the urge to tell everyone what you’re working on. Not just for copyright purposes, but because they will ALL have input or negative feedback. One way to not have your needs diminished in this capacity is to share your goals with people who you know will encourage you. Also, set up a plan for your own edification before you even share it with anyone. For example, when I decided to go to Korea, I didn’t tell my closest friends because I had the reputation for being fickle when it came to doing things. About one month before I was to depart and I had my visa and plane tickets in hand, I told them. Sure enough they didn’t believe me. They didn’t believe me until they drove me to the airport to see me off. Four years later they’re still in shock. Had I told them before I had filled out the application and done all the necessary requirements, they would have discouraged me. Not intentionally, but they would have reminded me that I probably wouldn’t go. From then, they now resist the urge to discourage my plans because I held my peace until I was sure that I was ready to go. When I decided to go to law school everyone’s opinions of me had changed. I had nothing but accolades and “we thought you should but didn’t want to say anything.” So fight the desire to share everything with everyone. If you look back and see you’ve become a jack of all trades and a master of none, then it’s time to re-evaluate just what it is that you’ve been allowing to encourage or discourage you from following through with your goals.

5 - On not being a jack of all trades and a master of none

 I think now is a good time to talk about taking up many things and not finishing any of them. When Debi Thomas got the silver medal in figure skating in 1988 I insisted that my father buy me a pair of ice skates and get me lessons. I meant I was going to do what she did. So my father bought me figure skates but I only used them three or four times in college when my school took its annual ice skating party. I know what you’re thinking and yes, I could wear the same size shoe from the time I was eight just about. But actually you’re thinking you have the same story or a similar one, unless you’re Debi Thomas and if you are then, good job on following through with your dreams. But if you’re not an Olympic champion or an Isaac Stern or a Michael Jordan then listen up. There are certain ways to not have your needs diminished by not diminishing them yourself. If you’re not ready to commit to a tremendous task, such as learning to swim the 800m relay or say, write a novel then do one thing in stages. Find your niche. Not everyone was meant to be a savant or musical genius like Beethoven (who we all hate when we think about what a young and talented prodigy he was, argh...). But each of us has a distinct calling and purpose. When I was unemployed for a year, I was tempted to feel sorry for myself. I didn’t believe that I was worth doing something as wonderful as writing a New York Times Bestseller. I mean, how’s that for an unrealistic dream? But the reality was, there weren’t many jobs for person with a Bachelor’s and a Master’s in English. I took the road less traveled and followed my dream of becoming a writer and when I had the opportunity to do what I wanted, I discovered I wouldn't rather generate income than sit around doing what I truly loved. Did I truly love it, or was it just another one of my “dreams?” Ask yourself this question when you’re faced with the opportunity to follow your heart. Is it practical? Is it necessary? Is it something you must do at all costs? Once you’ve gotten the answers to these questions and more, then you can decide to keep your 9-5, become homeless, or turn your passion into a project and ultimately your profession.

6 - On not losing your focus

 With all that’s been said, you may be tempted to do something else in the meantime because someone else says you should or Matt Lauer did a segment on the Today show this morning about not following your dreams in the midst of this economic crisis. Don’t focus on that. Unless your life is in financial peril or ruin, you shouldn’t worry about jeopardizing your future. You and only you can decide what makes you happy, what you're good at, and what your limitations are. Don't think about what your former roommate is doing. Who cares if she's living in a mansion with a gorgeous husband? That's her life, and while it may seem like it's all it's cracked up to be, all that glitters is not gold my friend. 

TMI

In the world of social networking -- Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Blogger -- we can now all for the price of a few minutes of our time read what people are doing at every moment of every day of their lives. Or we can share what we're doing every moment of every day of our own lives, hoping that we can somehow market what we can do. But now as long as you can type, log onto the internet or create a three-step blog, you can write. Since when did sharing the gorry details of my day become literary? That being said, I want to be the first to welcome me to the wonderful world of the wide world blog!